Annoy Devil May Cry
by konichiwahinata
Summary: A series with tips on how to get slaughtered by Devil May Cry characters
1. Chapter 1

Annoy Vergil

Here's a new series of Annoy but instead of only Final Fantasy characters, I'm including Devil May Cry characters. Also, if you know where I can find awesome plushies of these characters, then please tell me and also tell me how this series is so far. I lieks de plushies!

Anyway, here's the chapter…

Show him the reboot of Devil May Cry

Lock him in a room w/ the people from ninja theory

Call him an…..ALBINO SUPER SAIYAN!

Say Broly was 3287439897498487814 times stronger

Whenever Vergil does damage, get on his nerves and say IT'S OVER 9000!

Steal his trench coat and pretend you're a superhero

Sing Superhero by Len

Mock him for siding with Arkham since Arkham IS Jester

Steal Vergil's pendant and sell it on ebay

Sell for $5

Or give it to a poor unfortunate hobo whose lifespan you probably just shortened

Tell him how HOT he is front of everyone

Take away his hair products

Stroke his amazing white hair

Dump water on his hair to ruin it

Bonus points if you used holy water and quoted the Exorcist

Push him off of the Temen-Ni-Gru

When he uses Devil Trigger, scream OMIGOSH IT ATE VERGIL!

Smack him and say SPIT HIM OUT

Again, quote the Exorcist


	2. Chapter 2

How to Annoy…Lady!

The devil hunter with a ginormous gun! This is totally a great idea!

Show her fanfiction with her and Vergil as a couple

Persuade her to tell Vergil she likes him

If she refuses o do so, send Vergil a fanfiction and put "Dear Vergil" on top and "Love, Lady," on bottom

Watch them kill each other

If you're a girl, tell her Vergil is MINE! He's my super saiyan albino!

Call her Mary

Sing Mary had a psycho dad psycho dad psycho dad Mary had a psycho dad that she had shot in the head

Mary had a little devil little devil little devil mary had a little devil whose hair was white as snow

Say "Headshot!" when she kills Arkham

Ask if she'll inherit Arkham Asylum

Ask if you can keep Batman

Make sure your jaw drops when you see Jester

Say "You know that's your dad right?"

Say it explains a lot

Pretend to point out resemblances between her and Jester

Ask her how often she was spanked as a child

Ask if that's why she's violent

Tell her that showing your stomach is inappropriate attire

Buy her a pink frilly dress to change into

Get Dante while she's changing

Tell her he was peeking even if he wasn't

Imitate Jester


	3. Chapter 3

Annoy Arkham

Yes, let's irritate the crap out of the bad guy! It's not like he'll kill us or anything

If you're a boy, ask for permission to date Lady just to see his expression

If you're a girl, do the same to get an even better reaction

Call him Scarface

Ask him if he's bipolar or has multiple personality disorder because Arkham being Jester...well….interesting

Call 911 and say he's a burn victim but you may also want to mention he's homicidal that way you've got cops as meatshields when he finds out it was you

You guys know the scene from Ocarina of Time where Link pulls out the Master Sword? Compare it to the scene where Arkham pulls Sparda's sword out of its pedestal

Say dadadaDAAAA! Like in Zelda when he pulls out the sword

Say that every time he finds something

Call the Temen-Ni-Gru Ganon's Tower

Construct a pretty rainbow bridge to get to it

Make it girlier than Dante's strawberry sundaes (EEEEEEEKKKK!)

Say Hey! Listen! Nonstop

Ask if you can play with his sword and then proceed to stab him 37 times in the chest

Eat his hands (If you don't get this one watch Llamas with Hats)

Arrrrrkhaaaammm There's a dead demon in our tower!

Tell everyone his book is actually Twilight

Or Green Eggs and Ham

Or a coloring book for My Little Pony

Steal the freaking book and color in it regardless of whether or not the last one was true

Be a rebel! Color OUTSIDE of the lines!


	4. Chapter 4

Annoy Dante!

If Vergil had to endure this, so does Dante. Hey, fangirls! He's over here! Quick Dante, wear this false mustache!

Pick the pepperonis off of his pizza before he can get a chance to open the box

Tell him Vergil is hotter, smarter, and cooler, and… blah blah blah…fangirlism…

When he asks if there's anyone better-looking than him, say "Vergil"

Compare the Sparda twins to raspberries; Dante is the red raspberry while vergil is the blue raspberry

Call him an albino like you did with Vergil in the Vergil Chapter

Throw his strawberry sundaes into a fireplace and make him watch

Sing I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt at the beginning of Devil May Cry 3

Show him the reboot version of himself

Buy him DMC: Devil May Cry for his birthday

Ask him if he's ever been to church

Ask him how bad it hurt

You know the item Holy Water? Yeah, spray him with it to see if it hurts him

Say "Bad Dante!" if it does

Tell him to cosplay as Inuyasha and get Vergil to be Sesshomaru. Arkham can be Jaken while Lady and Trish can be Kikyo and Kagome

Force him to choose between Trish and Lady

Speaking of Kagoe, play the song Kagome Kagome while he's sleeping

If you actually scare him, good job!

If not, make him read the creepypasta

Lock him in a room with Patty and a broken TV while her show is on

Remember that cat deon you fought in DMC 1 (It's called shadow I think)? Name it Snuggle and cry when he kills it

Call PETA on him

Before he fights Mundus, force him to gouge out those red gems and sell them on ebay

Sell him amulet on ebay

Watch Arkham or Vergil buy it

Put Justin Bieber CDs in his jukebox

Tell him it complements his girly ice cream

Watch the demons laugh at him at the start of DMC 3 when he turns on his jukebox

Watch NO ONE take Dante seriously


	5. Chapter 5

Annoy Nero!

The cute little devil with the demon arm is next on our list of victims.

Tell Credo he likes Kyrie

Announce it to everyone else too but especially Credo

Ask if you can touch his demon arm

Act like a fangirl and yell "OMG I TOUCHED THE VIL BRINGER!" as loud as you can

Accuse him of using devil bringer to grab Kyrie's boobs when she's not looking

Tell Credo

Tell Kyrie

Download One Direction on his ipod. Do it just before he fights Dante and watch Dante laugh at him

Take his headphones and sell them on ebay

Start the bidding at 10000 red orbs

Watch Nero try to get them back instead of buying upgrades or yellow orbs

Destroy all of the God of Time Statues so that he can't save the game

When he demands an explanation of the last one, just tell him you broke the fourth wall no big deal by the way I know where Kyrie is and I'm not telling

When he uses his devil trigger, pretend it's a ghost and suck it up with a vacuum like in Luigi's mansion

Use the fire setting on the vacuum

Hope to Sparda that he doesn't catch you

Douse the flames…with Holy Water

Ask if he has multiple personalities whenever he uses devil trigger because of the whole Vergil thing

Introduce him to Vergil and watch the awkward father-son moment

Get them to bond

Get Nero grounded and watch Vergil punish him. I'm pretty sure Vergil will do more than just ground him

Remember the snowy castle place? Throw snowballs at Nero and act immature

Ask him when they're going to meet Santa

Whenever he solves a puzzle, call it a Christmas Miracle

One the first day of Christmas, Nero gave to me…

A Griffin in a pear tree!

Rewind back to the church fighting scene and tell him fighting in church is wrong

Drag him to confession

Record it and put it on an intercom and make sure Credo and Kyrie hear everything

Cosplay as Vergil and say Nero I am your Father!

Send him a frilly love letter…from Sanctus

Make it dirty

Watch Nero flee Fortuna

Tell him that Fortuna's a planet from Star Fox. He'll know what joke comes next…

DO A BARREL ROLL!

Or don' tell that joke at all until he least expects it

Before he does a barrel roll screw with him and use inverted controls

Bring up the fourth wall again

Ruin the plot


	6. Chapter 6

Annoy Trish!

The she-devil who looks like Dante's mom with the powers of…a Pikachu!

Sing Pika Girl to her (Find this song on youtube it's so kawaii!)

During battle, say "Trish, I choose you!"

Convince her that there's a sale at Hot Topic

Give her directions to Victoria's Secret instead

BEGON SPAWN OF MUNDUS! (Holy Water Balloon Fight!)

Bonus points if the water starts sparking

Ask if she can charge your IPod

Try and plug something into her

Say IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! Nonstop

Tell her Dante likes Lady better

Tell Lady that Dante likes Trish better

Tell Nero that Dante likes Kyrie

Tell everyone that Vergil likes Dante

Watch the confusion

Whenever she pulls out the Sword of Sparda, scream "THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOO!" as loud as you can

Throw pokeballs at her until she says she's not a Pikachu

Ask if she's a Raichu

Continue throwing Pokeballs

If the power goes out, blame Trish

Make her fix it

In Marvel vs. Capcom, put her on the same team as Vergil and watch them argue

Warn Iron Man of Trish's power over electricity

Put rubber on his suit for him

Laugh when Trish loses

Wear rubber suit and RUN!

Ask her how the heck she was able to enter the church in the anime without burning or something like that

Ask her if she electrocutes everyone when she goes swimming

Ask her why Mundus didn't give her a more demonic name


End file.
